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MBMG International League Week 11
Warbler F.C. vs Bulls Head Brazilians
( ISB,Saturday February 18th,18.15 k.o. )

The Battle of Sukhumvit,Part 47.

Having,earlier in the season,heeded the famous maxim to run away and fight again another day it was now inevitable that the Welsh General Robbo had to face the battlefield.Wary of the Bulls Head Army and aware of some shortcomings in the armoury of the club from the slums Robbo had spent weeks planning every possible cunning ruse to gain advantage.First tactic was to select a time and a battlefield that would unsettle the Yellow Rabble.Therefore the advance party of Brazilians found themselves at the weird Raelian sect in Nontha Buri called ISB.It was dusk - a time the partying Brazilians would normally be sinking the eighth pint - and the tension was palpable.A strange fluttering could be heard and soon, through the swftly failing daylight,great canopies of white silk came into view.So this was the masterstroke ! Calling on the famous Warbler mercenary tradition Robbo had ransacked financier Santo’s coffers and hired the Bangkok football equivalent of the famous French Foreign Legion.Yes,it was the Welsh Foreign Legion ! Sporting troops of many nationalities,commanded by Captain Jackson and led by the savage Sergeant-Major Harlow the Brazilians suddenly found themselves surrounded.Battle commenced as the Warbler hordes took advantage of dark (having also sabotaged the floodlights).
The action ensued at a breathtaking pace - and it immediately became obvious what Robbo had in mind as his main battle plan : beat the living daylights out of any Brazilians deemed to have a strong physical presence.Soon ensigns Parkin and Shuttleworth were after the Brazilian heavy guns George and Nick like terriers.In fact,like terriers with hardened steel scythes ! Early doors Parkin flew into George and actually managed to remove one limb just below the knee. Panicked by the gushing blood the referee began to lay down a terrifying barrage of yellow cards all over the battlefield.Shortly afterwards Parkin also mutilated Smart with a lunge that removed about half the Brazilian maestro’s intestines ! Somehow,amongst all the savagery,entertainments officer Poole thought he would attempt to lighten the darkening mood on both sides : although Steve Sloman had just gently rolled a grenade towards the Yellow goal,the ever-jovial Spanner broke out into his ‘Riverdance’ routine and the explosive rolled right under his prancing foot,leaving keeper Torrance helpless. 1-0 Warbler.
Shamed by his colleagues into a more combative mode,Poole soon drew blood, Captain Jackson being in mortal danger when he threatened to break free only to be bludgeoned to the ground by the Brazilian heavyweight ! In brutal retaliation,Shuttleworth soon hacked out more chunks of flesh from Adam and George,the latter actually having his left foot completely severed.Moments later,shellshocked by the booming howitzers being launched forward by reservists Duffy and Jamieson,the Brazilian midfield declined to make an aerial challenge and that man Sloman was on hand to bury another explosive deep in the Bulls Head net,wounding keeper Neil deeply in the process.2-0 Warbler.
To celebrate this glory,Warbler’s Parkin decided to complete the amputation on George and,not content with this,tried to follow up with a flying haymaker.The ref decided this was beyond the pale,drew his pistol and administered a summary execution on the spot.Thrown into confusion by this hole in the main spearhead, and baffled by the repaired floodlights now throwing light on the battlefield, Robbo and his teeming Red hordes began to wobble.With Belgian mercenary Joris stunned by a frontal assault from the violent Smart,George somehow managed to stump a throughball which eluded the dazed Warbler defence and was dispatched with venom by flight sergeant Chatree.Halftime 2-1 and the walking wounded retreated to regroup for the next phase.
Normally placid Brazilian tactician Will urged on his troops with a crazed bloodlust and the ref blew to restart hostilities.Soon Warbler took another hefty blow as Captain Jackson was suddenly felled,as if by a high velocity snipers bullet (it is strange to note at this point that neither side had actually thought of employing snipers).Into the breach charged the battle-scared maniac Harlow and the hole was plugged.With only Poole left in the rearguard the Yellow Rabble pressed and harried but just could not find enough firepower to slay the Reds gatekeeper Randy.Polish warrior Bartek was beginning to cut swathes through the crater-filled battlefield forcing the Warbler to defend on their own doorstep.Yet another casualty came as Amir decided to finish Smarts work and,with a hefty swing of the kebab machete,completely decapitated the trooper Joris.As the corpse was dragged off,Robbo finally threw the heavy artillery (in the robust shape of Malcom) into the fray.The Bulls Head howitzer Kris was pushed on to compensate.A flying headbut from the mighty Adam soon had Junior being rushed to the nearest medic.Finally forwards Mike and Chatree engineered a breakthough and Chatree bagged a second ! But somehow the double-amputee linesman who had singularly failed to lift his flag so far grasped his little pennant between his teeth and began shaking his head in a fury.The ref took this to mean offside and despite the bloodcurdling war chant of keeper Torrance ( "Pish,that’s f***ing pish ref !" ) the bomb was defused. All that was left after this crushing blow was for the tireless Smart to rally the troops for one last charge and then for the Yellow Rabble to beat a disciplined retreat,beaten but unbowed.
Postscript : In a devious manouvre,and in complete breach of all conventions, a rearguard party of Brazilian stalwarts were wiped out shortly after the game. Apparently at Robbo’s urging,the dastardly Santos had made a pre-emptive strike with a fearsome C.O.M.D. attack (Curry Of Mass Destruction).The remaining survivors were forced to dissolve into the shadows in a nearby plaza to hatch plans for fearsome and righteous retribution !

  • Mentioned in despatches :

  • Distinguished Service Order (DSO) : Neil,Bartek,George (posthumously).

  • Victoria Cross (VC) : Nick Smart.

  • Scorers = Warbler : Steve Sloman x 2,Bulls Head : Chatree.

  • Cards = Warbler : tons plus Neil Parkin (red) BHB : tons.

  • Final score : Warbler 2 Bulls Head Brazilians 1.

  • Attendance : 4. ( or 57 ,if non playing Warbler subs are included as spectators ).

    - Will ‘quiet day at the office’ Watts.


    MBMG International League Week 9
    Bulls Head Brazilians vs Bangkok Blitz
    ( Misuwan Football Club,Saturday January 18th,16.15 k.o. )

    Battling Blitz Hold The Big Boys.

    Lovely afternoon for it and for different reasons both these teams were well fired up forit.Regulars Adam,Danny Poole and Touch were missing for the Yellow Rabble,so the stage wasset for the rotund Poole stand-in,yours truly to make a comeback after three months.Fellow centre-back Paul Haighy tried his best (and failed ) not to look worried.
    Bullys started in effervescent attacking form,with Nick Smart stright into his stride playing in professional miserable Scot Breenie for an early chance.Blitz were obviously going to try and make height advantage pay and most of their attacks were being launched from keeper via big Alex's heed.Another early yellow attack saw George,Nick and Chatree combine to play in big Breenie who cooly slotted home a lovely finish.Straight back minutes later Blitz showed they weren't going to be pushed around and a high ball descended just outside the Brazilian box.Spinning high off Paul's heed,I have to admit I completely lost the ball behind me facing my own goal,fatally letting it bounce,only for probably the smallest man on the park,Felix to nip in and tap under a stranded Khun Oat in goal.Forwards Nick Upson and Jim Vessey were brought on for Brazil to try and pull it back.Luckily Jim had to go straight back off with one of the many Stamp-induced head wounds.
    Half-time : 1-1.
    Second half generally turned into a Bulls Head seige of the Blitz goal.No combination of forwards seemed to be up to the sterling defending being put in. Finally a trade mark,panic-inducing Smart corner fell to a prone Nick Upson who had already been felled,and he scooped it in from sitting on his backside. Unfortunately the ref had seen the ball bounce off an arm and disallowed.With Gunner Chris pressed up front into a four man forward line,Iain moving into the centre to release Smart wide and only a back three in defence,Bullys desperately tried to overwhelm Blitz.It was to be of no avail,and indeed a mix up between Oat and Sit at the back nearly gifted Blitz all three points at the death.
    Full-time : 1-1.
    Congratulations to Blitz for a performance full of character ( I thought their keeper looked particularly solid ).Could this prove to be a crucial 2 points dropped for the Yellow Rabble ?

  • Man of the match (BHB) : Paul Haighy.

  • Scorers = BHB : Dave Breen,Bangkok Blitz : Felix.

  • Cards = BHB : Iain Irvine (yellow),Blitz : Alex Stamp (yellow).

  • Final score : BHB 1 Bangkok Blitz 1.

  • Attendance : 16.

    - Will.


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